Fay Ebert Serious BDE: Big Duck Energy

There is so much I could say about Fay Ebert. I could tell you with zero hyperbole she is one of the most talented young skateboarders I have ever seen. If I were going that route I’d want it to be clear that here is no qualifier here. I wouldn’t say she’s one the most talented female skateboarders I have ever seen, because I am talking overall. But I don’t want to talk about her skateboarding. I don’t really want to talk about skateboarding at all. After 37 years of skateboarding everything has been said in as many ways possible and honestly, it bores me to tears. You know what doesn’t bore me? Ducks. And Fay doesn’t half-ass anything because she’s got two of them.

So apparently you have ducks. Not the usual thing a kid living in an urban metropolis has. How? Why? I don’t know a single person who has ducks so this is very interesting.
During covid we were really bored and my mom said we could foster some ducks through this program and we fostered them and we were supposed to return after we had got them accustomed to kids, but we didn’t read the fine print and it turned out they could go to vendors and turned into food, and I wasn’t going to let my ducks get eaten so we kept them.
So you are Fay, hero to ducks. Is that what I’m to understand?
Well it’s been two years…
What are their names?
Richard and…
That’s a good, solid name for a duck.
And Nexo.

There must be some serious logistical nightmares being Fay, First of her name, mother of ducks, living in Canada’s largest city, Like don’t you need a pond? Or are they strictly land ducks?
You know those plastic kids pools you fill with a hose? We have one of those in the backyard, so we fill it up with water and they splash around and love it. And ducks are very clean, so they use it for grooming too.
That makes sense. Most animals live in a harmonious relationship with their ecosystem. Actually, that is incorrect. ALL animals live in a harmonious balance with their ecosystem, and maintain that harmony. All animals except one, do you know which one?
No, which animal?
Humans. Humans do not.
Oh… (laughs)

If I cared for ducks I’d live in a near constant state of fear, worried they’d fly away and leave me.
I don’t think they’d leave. They’re family. We can leave them in the front yard and they’ll walk back to the backyard when they’re done. Plus I don’t think they know how to fly.
Oh right! You raised them so since you don’t know how to fly… wait, you do know how to fly but only on a skateboard. And ducks don’t know how to skateboard—a skateboarding duck? Madness I say, maybe even bedlam…
And Richard is too big to fly anyways. He’s a peking duck, he’s bred to be food.
Right. Modern day industrial animal husbandry is the worst. And so these feathers on your helmet fell out, because you don’t seem like the kind of person who would be mean to ducks. Do the feathers give you any special powers? Extra floaty Ollies or anything?
(Looks at me like I’m a crazy person but politely says, “maybe?”)
Would you recommend duck fostering to others?
Oh yeah. I think it’s a great experience to grow up with animals.

What are they like? Do ducks have personalities?
Oh yeah. Richard is so sweet and cuddly, and loves music and falls asleep when you pet her.
Richard likes music?
Yeah, she does.
Does she have a genre she likes? Metal? Jazz fusion? Please don’t say Ska or Rockabilly because I really like ducks.
She likes calm music. And Nexo is… Nexo is feisty, yet skittish… doesn’t really like people.
Neither do I to be honest. This has been marvellous and fascinating. Thank you for sharing your ducks with me Fay, this was magical. I am going to make a playlist for Richard. It’s going be two and half hours of the haunting cello mastery that Johann Sebastian Bach's Cello Suites.
Okay. Bye!

Interview by Scott MacDonald / Skate Photos by Dan Mathieu