Ambush with Zach Noftall

Interview by Evan Rissi

Opening Portrait by Michael Kazimierczuk

Zach, where you from?

Oshawa, Ontario.

Damn, sorry to hear. For those outside of Ontario, explain what Oshawa is all about.

It’s a not-so-nice little town east of Toronto, where a bunch of good skaters / piles are from. Dillon Moore, Beaster, and TJ’s from Whitby… which is five minute difference.

Doesn’t the Oshawa welcoming sign say, “Oshawa: Where Dreams Go to Die”?

(Laughs) No it doesn’t. It says, “Prepare to be Amazed.”

But it’s like… “Prepared to be Amazed, in the Worst Way”, right?

Yeah, exactly.

So you escaped the Schwa.

I escaped, yeah. Dillon had moved out west, and had convinced me to go out and stay with him in Vancouver for just over a year. I’ve been back for a week now, living with my girlfriend in Toronto.

Did you shoot any pornography while you were out there?

No, not in Vancouver. Only in downtown Toronto.

Is that a career you want to pursue?

I mean, if the door was open, yeah. I’ve got some experience now.

Is it the back door that’s open?

(Laughs) Potentially.

What the fuck?

Me and my best friend Mike Davidson, he and his girlfriend and I are pretty open sexually. We were drunk and younger, and he convinced her to shoot a porno with him. Created a skit and everything, I threw a fisheye on there, and I filmed an hour-long porno in his sister’s condo. 

With a fisheye?

Yeah, fisheye. Got all up in there.

You’re cool with that?

Yeah, it was fine. I was cool with it. I was 15 or 16 years old.

This was within the last five years. How old are you now?

Yeah, I’m 21 now.

How is that chill?

(Laughs) It was fucked up, but I’m really comfortable with them – have had three-ways and four-ways together – so they just asked me to film them fuck, and I did it.

And you’re fine with seeing her? It’s chill?

Yeah, we’re still friends, I talk to her all the time. You can actually see me in one of the scenes in the mirror, all crouched down in there really close filming fisheye (laughs).

Oh God. Are you wearing goggles or anything?

Should’ve been. We were young, was the first go.

Why is it just universally understood that if you’re from Oshawa you’ve doubled up on a girl before?

There’s just not much to do in Oshawa. All the girls there are equally as bored as the guys. I don’t want to say all the girls in Oshawa are sluts, but they’re pretty dirty. It’s called the Dirty Schwa for a reason. Lots of girls there are down for that stuff. Different breed of people, I guess.

Prepare to be amazed. What else is there to do in Oshawa?

Skate, drink, work if you want. I dunno, that’s it. Small town. It’s getting bigger now I guess. It’s mostly GM workers. A lot of alcoholics hanging out, rock n’ roll. Die-hard. Prepare to be amazed. 

Damn. Has to be getting bigger with all the three-ways happenings. Dillon’s been in on these too?

Dillon, yeah, and Mike. Definitely have more fun when Dillon’s involved, high fives and shit (laughs).

Christ. How does that even happen? Is your current girlfriend involved?

No, never. I would never do that with my girlfriend, it was before she was in the picture. It was before I met her.

So she changed you. She took the Oshawa out of you.

In a way, yeah definitely. Vancouver helped too.

So why’d you come back?

Been away for so long… missed my family, Vancouver is expensive too. I didn’t really plan on moving out there in the first place, it just happened.

I heard you and Dillon were working construction?

Yeah, we got to work one day pretty late, we were baked. We got put onto a super shitty task, had to drill concrete ducts into our faces first thing in the morning. They had just finished concreting a perfect skate spot right nearby; two ten stairs in a row. We were just looking at it, and Dillon just turned to me saying, “Alright buddy, I’ve had enough. Leaving with or without you.” He talked to me into it, and we just pitched everything and ran off the construction site yelling. Dillon yelled, “Never look back!” as we grabbed out skateboards and ran by all the miserable construction workers. Didn’t tell anyone anything, never looked back.

Sounds like the end of Thelma and Louise.

Never seen it.

Maybe you and Dillon should watch it together. With another girl, perhaps.

I’m sure he’s still into that.

You should put together a sizzle reel of your porno filming skills. Or, better yet, send me a screenshot of your reflection in that mirror. Timebomb will pay incentive?

True. Shout-out to Timebomb and Faction, you guys at King Shit, family and homies, Kazik, Sam Fidlin, and The Labour District.